1^st moon meditation experience in the Pyramid:

It's now 11.

The lights are lit I look around for a second then find my way to the staircase leading to the pyramid.

Now I'm home.

I immediately notice the changes.. Consequently I take my shoes off, then my jacket.

I had my grandma's praying beads with me, and a little prayer hat my cousin got me from Mecca, and a scented candle R. gave me for our anniversary. I start with tasbeeh, over and over, trying to synchronize it with my breathing, I ask God for clarity, forgiveness, purity of the heart, genuinity of deeds, and subduing of pride.

My fear starts to manifest, in how I lose concentration whenever I hear a strange sound. I regress to a little child afraid of the dark and the strange place.

The pyramid doesn't feel as powerful this time, is it because of my fear or because I'm not picking on Hanne's energy as usual? At that moment she messages me asking me to put my intentions at the heart and see what comes, and that she'll join me for mediation at 12. It's 11 now, I got that much time to completely calm myself and get as transparent as possible.

I try a number of techniques, all involving breathing with certain thought processes. Observing physical senses, then emotions, desires, and trying to realize the observer is neutral. Every now and then a sound scares me and I again lose concentration. I listen to some alpha waves music with breathing, trying to get as calm as I can, holding my grandma's prayer beads. I pray for her and summon her in my heart to the best of my ability, hoping she'll hear my call and give me her purity tonight. I pray for my father too, but he doesn't occupy much space of my thinking this time. I faced that demon, the thought refreshes me. I attempt the sufi meditation of light, but I can't stick with it, I'm too something.. It's 11:48 now. I call Hanne and tell her something is missing, she tells me to put my hands on my heart and feel the pulse, feel it with my breathing, focus my energy there and just wait for what comes, with no expectations. I do exactly that, and I start feeling my pulse, in my chest, and strangely at my finger tips too, then I lost the feeling so I place both hands across my chest in the pharonic way with my thumbs touching the veins in my neck, trying to feel the pulse both at the vein and at my heart. It works for a bit more then I lose it again, probably because I keep trying to picture something with the feeling. Eventually I make do with the vague feeling of pulse, and stare at the transparent screen I see random images on behind my closed eyelids. Random images, but they mostly involve Hanne.

A little child playing chess with a grandpa, the grandpa is jolly and bald, gives me a feeling of Santa Claus in retrospect. All the images are blurry, in a fashion fit for a dream you have after you wake up and decide to snooze for a bit more. You know you're awake, you know it's a dream, but it's still not lucid, and you can still feel your surroundings, you can still hear voices.

I remember what Hanne said about cultivating for the new year, but I can't stick with the thought. All what I have are general thoughts about me working on my discipline issues, gaining more clarity, then I think about R. She's in a meadow, and I'm at a different side, with Y. in my arms. I pray she doesn't hurt too much and doesn't give in to her dark side for misguided retribution.

Then it starts to get weird.

From flying over meadows, Hanne actually taking my hand and flying, again in a non-lucid fashion. I see a house, made of wood and yellow walls, I'm inside the house, a circular object catches my attention, a dart board or a clock. There's a windmill nearby, and a tree. I vanish and reappear at the tree, look at it closely and try to understand something about the roots, but it doesn't stick.

Then I'm waking up in a coffin, surrounded by several men. Probably 5 or 6.

When I get up, I could only make out two.

One has a pale face and cruel features. Thin lips, wide eyes, thin straight eyebrows, but still very handsome in a boyish way.

In my mind I see it as my cruelty, in a boyish form because it's there to protect my inner child's fragility.

Then an ugly clown, very ugly. I see it as my sense of humour when it's there as a defence mechanism against my weaknesses, or as it started when I was a fat ugly teenager joking all the time to make people hear him and not look at him.

I don't know what to do next, I try to imagine beating them, but it doesn't work, instead I'm elevated and I realize that coffin is at the base of the great pyramid. I traverse the walls and now I'm in the burial room.

There's an altar-like coffin, I'm lying on my back and Hanne is there, she does something to my heart, spills water on my chest where my heart is.

Then I see a Coptic priest, or at least a man with the characteristic Coptic priesthood hat, black and puffy like a turban. He has very strong eyes. He looks a bit pharaonic. The dark skin, the round features, and the eyes, so commanding and a bit scary. Salt and pepper beard and moustache.

I'm tempted to think maybe this is father T., but I realize I'm imagining and not letting things go random, so I fight the thought.

He places his thumb on my third eye, in my mind it's a baptism of some sort. That's my last semi-clear image that I can actually remember. I spin inside the pyramid counter clockwise for a bit, but now I'm too conscious of the place, so I pick my stuff and leave. Tying my shoes at the door and walk down feeling a bit light and dizzy.

Asser